I both love and absolutely hate this record. It was cursed from the very beginning. Cursed every single step of the way.
I recorded the "Abnormal Play For Collapsing Mentality" track during an extremely horrible time of my life. It was mid 2001, I was 19. My father was a suicidal alcoholic and had been causing us many many problems for years. And one night there was a huge fight between him & my mother. I'd had it, and was standing on the other side of the door with a knife, ready to defend her. I didn't end up using it, but we screamed at each other and nearly fought. Anyhow, he slammed the door in my face and out of rage, I punched it as hard as I could and broke my hand, one of the bones pierced the skin and blood and bone-plasma was running out. And for some reason I grabbed my sketchbook and rubbed my hand around in there. Smearing the plasma and blood around.
We went to the emergency room where I sat bleeding all over the table for 3 hours before I was helped.
When I finally got home I scanned the bloody page from the sketchbook into my computer. I'm a little hazy about this, so I can't remember if I did it that same night or a few days later, but I used this bloody paper scan in the artwork I made that became the cover for this record (though, I didn't even have the record in mind yet).
One night I was sitting in my room in the dark at my MPC-2000, with the cast on my arm, and I came up with that track.
My dad was basically living in the garage at the time in a sleeping bag and sneaking into my room in the middle of the night and stealing change from me. So the stress level was high. Life was a fucking nightmare. So I recorded "Abnormal Play For Collapsing Mentality" at the lowest time in my life (up to that point at least).
A little later I sent a CDR of the track to Alec Empire (back before he totally sucked) and he said he liked it or that I'd evolved a lot or something positive and I was completely ecstatic. So right away I set up my gear again and started in on something new.... what I ended up recording was "Metal Skin Panic".
So both tracks on this 7" came from really extreme feelings and times. Opposite ends of the spectrum.
One track is the slowest, deepest, coldest, blackest drone, and the other is the hottest, brightest, most erratic splatterbreak noisecore.
Originally, I'd wanted it released on DHR <20. But they were too busy releasing garbage that no one likes.
So I'd wanted to release this as a 7" since 2001. I never had the right money or right timing to do it, but I'd never abandoned the plan. Finally I had the money to do it in early 2008.
I had the tracks mastered and plates made by someone who regularly cuts noise/experimental records. And I had him mail them off to Pirates Press for manufacture. Who said they'd gotten them and filed them away on a shelf until it was time to manufacture them. Which took a little while because Pirates Press upped the final cost on me after we'd started the process.
So yes, I used Pirates Press to manufacture the record, BIG MISTAKE, trust me, never use them, they're completely incompetent.
They then said they couldn't find my plates anywhere there and they must've not been delivered (remember how before they said they'd gotten them?). So I had to have THEM cut the record. (so I payed TWICE for the cutting of this record)
They cut the records ultra quiet because my "frequencies were too extreme and would damage the cutting equipment". Which, while that sounds really cool, .... it probably isn't true and their technicians just have no idea what they're doing.
And they fucked up the vinyl colors as well. I'd chosen RED and BLACK marbling.... based on pictures on their own goddamned site.
When I received the records on April 16th, 2008 (the morning after my dad shot himself in the head, by the way. Fitting timing, right?), the colors were wrong, they did bubblegum PINK and black. When I confronted them about totally screwing up my record's sound AND look, they said that the red batches are tricky and come in all different shades, bullshit, they fucked up and didn't want to admit it. They have pink and red as options on their site. Bubblegum pink is not red, morons.
So the record I'd been planning every little detail of for 7 years,.. and spent thousands of dollars on,... came out all wrong.
They gave me a 2% refund for their fuck up. TWO PERCENT.
So in a way it's very fitting that every step of this thing was difficult and wrong.
I've come to enjoy it's failure as an aesthetic of it as a whole.
The artwork and the music was born out of horrible, negative, and extremely ugly things.
In a way I'm glad it turned out this way, as proof that things are horrible and nothing works.
If it had gone smoothly, it's inherent negativity wouldn't be so much a part of it.
It's inspiration was bad, it's sound is bad, it's look is bad, the process of getting it done was bad.
So it's also fitting that the runout groove message I put on there is "THE UNIVERSE IS MY ENEMY".
Been making electronic music since the 90's. I've made music released by Digital Hardcore Recordings, Couch Fort Records, Digital Vomit, etc... And I run my DIRGEFUNK RECORDS label. (CD, vinyl, cassette)